I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
