so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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