PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize