I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
