It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize