My room smells like vodka and shame
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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