I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
