They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
