and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
