Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize