I'm jealous of your bromance
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
