Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
