At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
