Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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