Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
