Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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