Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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