She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
