I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
North Korea, Best Korea!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
