dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Randomize
