You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
