If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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