i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm sobbing to NWA
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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