I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
