dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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