I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
