I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
