Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
