you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize