The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
