I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
