For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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