Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
