Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize