Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
