I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize