I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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