we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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