can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
