I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
