What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
