I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize