Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
