I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
