dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
