i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
