Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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