my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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