Your favorite bartender is back from prision
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
