May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
