that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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