her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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