It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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