NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize