you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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