Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
