We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
