Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
