This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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