God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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