if i can run in heels then i can drive
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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