dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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