I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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