I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
FUCK WHALES
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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