It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
