nut hugger
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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