i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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