I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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