You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
PS: I just woke up from my shower
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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