hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
