Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
